Category: Family

All in a (Year’s) Work

Today is Pat’s birthday … while he would say otherwise, I think the past year has been pretty remarkable for him.  This time last year, he decided to make some changes.  And over the course of his thirtieth year, he lost 30 pounds, started exercising and yesterday, the day before turning 31, ran his first half marathon:

pat half marathon

I am so proud of him … not just for kicking a$$ in the half, but for making so many positive changes in his life.  He is a wonderful husband and father as well as my best friend. I love him so much and feel so fortunate to be married to him!  Happy Birthday Pat!!

P.S. A huge congrats to Liz too … she ran a most impressive personal best in the half yesterday too! (I’ve been battling a knee injury, so earned the medal, but only did the 7.3 miler!)

DJJ

Three years ago today, the world lost one of the good guys.  My cousin Erin’s boyfriend Dan was killed in a tragic car accident.  We had just returned home from one of the best vacations of my life – a family reunion in Ireland – and his death shocked us all to our core.  Dan was more than Erin’s boyfriend.  He fit in our family as if he’d been there all along, and in Ireland, he asked my uncle Kevin for permission to marry Erin, which we were all ecstatic about!   He was just one of those people that lit up a room and I think of him all the time: anytime I drink a Guinness, see an F-150 or a guy wearing a bright orange shirt. I think of him when I see a guy talking excitedly about the Yankees or golf or when I see a big teddy bear of a guy laughing out loud.  Dan was always smiling and always laughing and left such a mark on me that it’s impossible not to think about him.

Ireland July 2007

There are different people in Heaven that I think take care of Brienna in different ways.  When I think of who she runs to if she’s needs a big bear hug, I think of Dan. When I think of who makes her laugh, I know it’s Dan. I know that they are up there together and it comforts me, while making me sad at the same time.  They should be here.

My cousin Erin is a strong lady … she has been such a source of strength and inspiration for me and she continues to amaze me every day.  I remember bewilderedly asking her how she survived every day.  Her grief, pain and suffering were just incomprehensible to me.  She told me that she realized she had to make a choice.  She could choose to live, or she could choose to be miserable.  So she chose to live.  When Brienna died, those words stuck with me, and I think about them every day as I get out of bed. It truly is a choice.  It would be so easy to be bitter and miserable (and there are those days) but the choice to live a life that makes them proud is more alluring.

I miss Dan.  I cry when I think about him not being here.  I cry for Erin, and for his parents, Brian and Kathy and his brother Tim and then I cry for Brienna too.  At some point though, I’m able to smile, because I know he’s keeping Brienna safe and they are watching over all of us; our guardian angels …

Erin and Dan

Miss you, DJJ.

Flood-A-Palooza

To say we are overwhelmed is an understatement …

THANK YOU so much to our families and friends for such an incredible night on Friday!!  I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing … we are just amazed, not only by the number of people that came out to support us, but by how generous you all are.

To be honest, I don’t feel like we deserve any of it.  I know that we haven’t been the most communicative or outgoing people in the last eleven months, and I am just totally blown away by everyone’s seemingly unlimited capacity to give.  Even now, days later, I stop and tears fill my eyes because I cannot believe how good people are.

I have no idea how we can adequately thank all of you.  Quite simply, you saved us.  We will be able to totally refurnish our house and maybe even tuck some money away for a rainy day.  How we can ever convey how grateful we are for that?

None of this would have been possible without Kristen and we want to thank her for all of her hard work.  I have no idea how she pulled it off, or how she rallied the troops like she did, but we are eternally grateful.  We have the best sister and sister-in-law we could ever ask for.  She’s the most selfless, loyal and giving person I know, and I wish we could somehow repay her for everything she’s done.  We know how lucky we are to have her in our lives and we are so appreciative of her support and love.

At one point during the night, I mentioned to my aunts how sad I was that Brienna wasn’t there with us.  It’s been eleven months and I still long for her and miss her more than I can ever describe … As I was talking (and crying – I did a lot of that), I realized something: of course she was there with us.  Our entire lives are shaped by her presence and I know in my heart that she too felt all that love.  I’m quite sure she was smiling watching us all!  It is easier for us to accept all this goodwill if we think of it as being for her … I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I know how much everyone aches for us that Brienna is in Heaven and not here with us.  And I know how helpless everyone felt when she died, so as much as this was for Pat and I, it was for her too.  She is the most special little girl and every day I thank God for allowing me to be her mother … she has taught and continues to teach me more than I ever could have dreamed.

There is so much more to say, but I don’t know how to say it.  So thank you again, for everything.  We are beyond blessed and I hope we can somehow, someday appropriately express our gratitude and appreciation!

Love,
Patrick and Laurie

The Weight of Water

As most of you know, Pat and I were displaced by the severe rain and subsequent flooding in RI two weeks ago.  Our house was essentially destroyed (the entire basement was flooded and there was over two feet of water on the first floor) but we escaped unscathed and were able to save all of Brienna’s belongings, so we truly feel lucky.  It could have been much worse.

flood

We are totally overwhelmed at the outpouring of support we’ve received.  I am reminded yet again of the power of family and friends and am so thankful to everyone for their generosity!  I truly can’t thank you all enough for your kindness …

On that note, I want to thank Kristen and my friends for ‘running to remember’ Brienna in the New Bedford Half Marathon a few weeks ago.  Kristen, Jamie, Jenn and I ran while Andrea, Beth, Jodie (and Sadie!) and Kassi were there to cheer us on!  The girls came complete with a sign and when I saw them as I approached the finish line, it took everything I had not to start crying.  There certainly was ‘love from above’ and I’m so thankful to everyone for being there to support us!

love from above

While our house is being rebuilt, we’re renting a Bailey-friendly house in Warwick – Pat calls it Bailey’s country house!  The house is furnished, and FEMA is helping us with rent, so again, we’re very lucky.  We are so thankful for everyone for offering to help us.  We truly wouldn’t be able to survive any of this without your love and support.  We’re so blessed to have the friends and families that we do and I hope that we can someday repay the kindnesses we’ve received!

Before Her Time

My cousin Ann passed away on Saturday after a long, courageous battle against scleroderma.  She had an especially aggressive form of the disease, and for three years, fought with everything she had. With the help of her sisters and life partner Andrea, she worked tirelessly to beat this disease.  And did so with a smile on her face, never letting the disease get her down.  Despite the pain she was in, she didn’t miss a beat.  She came to my shower, our wedding, Brienna’s funeral.  She refused to let this disease get the best of her.

My parents, sister and I were with Ann on Saturday. Per usual, she had a smile on her face and made us laugh as we reminisced about the good ol’ days – Ann and her sisters (Lynne and Katie) were so good to us growing up.  They were a little older than us, and we followed them around like puppies.  At every family get together, they’d play hide ‘n’ seek and anything else we wanted and we loved every minute of it.  Some of my fondest childhood memories are of being at their parents house dancing, singing and just playing for hours on end.

Before we left on Saturday, Ann said something that amazed me and has stuck with me.  She said “I’m so blessed”.  Despite her long battle against a nasty disease, despite her being called far too soon, despite the pain she must have been in, she still felt blessed.  That was Ann.

Ann died surrounded by the people that loved her most. As Lynne said, the gates to Heaven are wide open for Ann. And I know one little girl that will be there to greet her. I told Brienna that Ann would be coming, and Ann has strict instructions to give Brienna a hug.  It comforts me to know that they are together …

My heart aches for Andrea, Katie and Lynne.  They lost their partner, sister and best friend.  But Ann left her mark on all of us. Her courage, dignity and grace remain an inspiration.  She will be so missed.

Running to Remember (Part II)

Nine months.  Such a defining amount of time as it relates to a baby … it’s baffling to think that nine months have passed.  We find ourselves wondering about what could have been … what Brienna would look like, how she’d be changing.  Some days, it’s a struggle to remain positive.  We miss her so much.  But we’re also trying to live life in a way that would make her proud.

On Sunday, Pat and I ran a road race in memory of Brienna.  Pat ran his first 10K and I ran my first marathon – Pat is my hero and actually ran the last three miles of the marathon with me too!  Our families were there to cheer us on (and Bailey-sit) and we’re so grateful to them for battling the cold and being there to support us!  It was an emotional day.  There is so little we can do for Brienna, so running in her memory is incredibly powerful.  I am so proud of us and thankful to Brienna for being our inspiration.

Hyannis Marathon/10K

A Peek Into Heaven

Kristen shared this poem with us and I thought it so fitting, as it perfectly describes how we feel on a daily basis.

A Peek Into Heaven

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I’m asking for today.
I just want to know how she’s doing,
And heaven seems so far away.

Is she playing on the clouds with angels?
Is she laughing and running today?
Does she miss me?
I guess only she knows.
Oh why does heaven seem so far away?

If you just let me look for a moment,
To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,
I promise I won’t try to take her,
I know, she’s in a better place.

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I’m asking for today.
I just want to know how she’s doing,
And heaven seems so far away…
-Callie Sanders Thornton

Brienna Marie – we know Heaven is a better place, but wish with all our hearts that you were here. We love you, we miss you and we long for you …

Love always,
Mom and Dad

Christmas Card

As most of you have probably realized, we’ve decided not to send Christmas cards this year … It is such an emotional time for us and while it’s been hard to get in the holiday spirit, it also just didn’t feel right to not include Brienna.  So in lieu of sending cards, we decided to create one and post it here for our friends and family.  We hope you enjoy the holidays and we’re looking forward to seeing many of you in the coming weeks!

2009 christmas card

Love,
Patrick and Laurie

Running to Remember

Just over five months ago, Brienna was in our arms.  I look back on that day, and think about how happy we were to finally meet her and yet how sad we were that we also had to say goodbye.  At times, it seems like it’s been forever since we cuddled and rocked her … at other times, I can literally feel her in my arms and it feels like just yesterday that she was here.

Kristen and I ran the Seacoast Half Marathon today in memory of Brienna.  It was a perfect fall day, and the course was beautiful.  A good portion of it is along the water, which is where I always feel just a little closer to Brienna.  She gave me all the inspiration I needed to finish, and I was so proud to be running in memory of my little girl.  I know she was with me every step of the way …

running to remember

I am shocked and touched by how many people expressed interest in the t-shirts we made (the footprints are her actual footprints!) and in coming to NH to cheer us on.  We truly have the best family and friends in the world and I am so thankful to them for being there to support us.

Our Cheering Squad!

I also want to say a huge thank you to Kris … she’s been battling  a pretty bad knee injury, yet stuck it out anyway.  I’m so proud of her and so happy that we ran the race together.  She is a good sister, and a great auntie!

laurie and kris at the half

As always, thank you for your love and support.  Nothing about Brienna not being here is easy, yet we are so blessed that our family and friends help us remember her and honor her each and every day.