Brienna – Page 3

The Best of Friends

I am pretty sure I have the best friends in the world. Over the last eighteen months, they have supported me, loved me and kept me sane. When I need a shoulder to cry on, they’re there. When I need to vent, they’re there. And when I run races in Brienna’s memory, they either run with me or come and cheer me on. This past weekend, some of my friends raced in Brienna’s memory on their own. Jamie and Pete biked over 150 miles in the MS Challenge in Brienna’s memory. They had asked me two months ago if it would be ok … I immediately started crying because it was more than ok … it was beyond touching and made me so happy.

BMM

Andrea ran a half marathon yesterday in Brienna’s memory … she had wanted to run with us in March, but got injured and wasn’t able to. She was there to cheer us on, but because she had promised Brienna she would run, she made sure she did.

BMM My friends and I don’t get to watch Brienna grow up. I can’t send them pictures of the cute thing she just did, they can’t call or come over to see how big she’s getting and how adorable she is … so for them to remember her, love her and honor her memory like they do means the world to me. I am so proud of Brienna for inspiring people and so proud of my friends for taking the time to do amazing things in her memory.

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
– Elbert Hubbard.

Happy Birthday Sweet Angel …

There are no words for today … that it has been a year since we last held our sweet Brienna Marie breaks my heart and fills me with such a longing to see her again. I would give anything to turn back the clock one year. If only that were possible …

BMM

Brienna Marie,

We love you and miss you more than words can describe. Not a day goes by that we don’t long for you and wish that we could all be together. Thank you for so profoundly changing our lives. We are better people because of you and are honored to be your parents. Happy 1st Birthday, sweet angel.

Love,
Mom and Dad

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal” -Irish Headstone

The Weight of Water

As most of you know, Pat and I were displaced by the severe rain and subsequent flooding in RI two weeks ago. Our house was essentially destroyed (the entire basement was flooded and there was over two feet of water on the first floor) but we escaped unscathed and were able to save all of Brienna’s belongings, so we truly feel lucky. It could have been much worse.

flood

We are totally overwhelmed at the outpouring of support we’ve received. I am reminded yet again of the power of family and friends and am so thankful to everyone for their generosity! I truly can’t thank you all enough for your kindness …

On that note, I want to thank Kristen and my friends for ‘running to remember’ Brienna in the New Bedford Half Marathon a few weeks ago. Kristen, Jamie, Jenn and I ran while Andrea, Beth, Jodie (and Sadie!) and Kassi were there to cheer us on! The girls came complete with a sign and when I saw them as I approached the finish line, it took everything I had not to start crying. There certainly was ‘love from above’ and I’m so thankful to everyone for being there to support us!

love from above

While our house is being rebuilt, we’re renting a Bailey-friendly house in Warwick – Pat calls it Bailey’s country house! The house is furnished, and FEMA is helping us with rent, so again, we’re very lucky. We are so thankful for everyone for offering to help us. We truly wouldn’t be able to survive any of this without your love and support. We’re so blessed to have the friends and families that we do and I hope that we can someday repay the kindnesses we’ve received!

Names in the Sand

The community of parents who have lost children is frighteningly large … as we’ve struggled through this journey, people (often strangers) have showed us kindnesses I could never have imagined. Carly lives in Australia and as a tribute to her son Christian, writes the names of children who’ve died in the sand. She receives thousands of requests and therefore has to limit the number of names she writes each month. Last month, I was fortunate enough to catch the sign up. I think the result is pretty amazing:

Brienna

You can read Brienna’s post here. I thought it fitting to share today, because today marks forty weeks and five days since Brienna was born. The exact length of time that she was here with us. The day has been weighing heavily on us. Going forward, the time without Brienna will be greater than the time we had with her. That makes me so sad. The yearning for her to be with us hasn’t lessened; I doubt it ever will.

But seeing her name in the sand with the sun setting above it fills me with a sense of peace. It reminds me of Brienna’s innocence and her simple beauty. Of all the things she’s taught us and continues to teach us. And so despite our sadness, we smile.

An angel for the book of life wrote down our baby’s birth, and whispered as she closed the book, “Too beautiful for Earth.” –Anonymous

Running to Remember (Part II)

Nine months. Such a defining amount of time as it relates to a baby … it’s baffling to think that nine months have passed. We find ourselves wondering about what could have been … what Brienna would look like, how she’d be changing. Some days, it’s a struggle to remain positive. We miss her so much. But we’re also trying to live life in a way that would make her proud.

On Sunday, Pat and I ran a road race in memory of Brienna. Pat ran his first 10K and I ran my first marathon – Pat is my hero and actually ran the last three miles of the marathon with me too! Our families were there to cheer us on (and Bailey-sit) and we’re so grateful to them for battling the cold and being there to support us! It was an emotional day. There is so little we can do for Brienna, so running in her memory is incredibly powerful. I am so proud of us and thankful to Brienna for being our inspiration.

A Peek Into Heaven

Kristen shared this poem with us and I thought it so fitting, as it perfectly describes how we feel on a daily basis.

A Peek Into Heaven

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I’m asking for today.
I just want to know how she’s doing,
And heaven seems so far away.

Is she playing on the clouds with angels?
Is she laughing and running today?
Does she miss me?
I guess only she knows.
Oh why does heaven seem so far away?

If you just let me look for a moment,
To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face,
I promise I won’t try to take her,
I know, she’s in a better place.

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I’m asking for today.
I just want to know how she’s doing,
And heaven seems so far away…
-Callie Sanders Thornton

Brienna Marie – we know Heaven is a better place, but wish with all our hearts that you were here. We love you, we miss you and we long for you …

Love always,
Mom and Dad

A Star is Born

Pat and I received a gift this week and were so touched by the gesture, we wanted to share it with all of you.

My friend Jenn had a star named after Brienna. We received a framed certificate from the International Star Registry with the newest star in the Ursa Major constellation: Brienna Marie Marr. We have the coordinates, a map of where it is and instructions for how best to locate our shining star.

We were totally surprised, are beyond grateful and so touched. The message on the gift read, “whenever you are feeling down, look up at your shining star”. I will indeed … and as we embark on 2010, I will ask you to do the same. I know Brienna is there, watching over all of us.

And as Pat pointed out, I have very good friends … so thank you Jenn. We appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Christmas Card

As most of you have probably realized, we’ve decided not to send Christmas cards this year … It is such an emotional time for us and while it’s been hard to get in the holiday spirit, it also just didn’t feel right to not include Brienna. So in lieu of sending cards, we decided to create one and post it here for our friends and family. We hope you enjoy the holidays and we’re looking forward to seeing many of you in the coming weeks!

2009 christmas card

Love,
Patrick and Laurie

Time Flies …

… even if you’re not having fun.

It is so hard to believe that six months have passed since Brienna was born. Six months. In many ways, a part of us will forever cling to June 2, 2009. It’s the single most defining day of our lives, and the entire day is constantly replaying in my head. The reality that Brienna is gone forever still stops me in tracks and literally takes my breath away. How can the beautiful baby that we created be gone? How is that we’ll never get to see her smile, or hear her say “Mama” and “Dada”? Some days, I don’t think I can do it. And others, I am able to see the gifts she gave us and am just overwhelmed with gratitude. Every day is shaped by her presence in our hearts … and we know that time will help to heal our pain, but today, the hole in our hearts feels unbearably large.

20090602-NILMDTS-123

We love you Brienna Marie … we thank God every day for you, and we miss you more than words can ever say.

Running to Remember

Just over five months ago, Brienna was in our arms. I look back on that day, and think about how happy we were to finally meet her and yet how sad we were that we also had to say goodbye. At times, it seems like it’s been forever since we cuddled and rocked her … at other times, I can literally feel her in my arms and it feels like just yesterday that she was here.

Kristen and I ran the Seacoast Half Marathon today in memory of Brienna. It was a perfect fall day, and the course was beautiful. A good portion of it is along the water, which is where I always feel just a little closer to Brienna. She gave me all the inspiration I needed to finish, and I was so proud to be running in memory of my little girl. I know she was with me every step of the way …

running to remember

I am shocked and touched by how many people expressed interest in the t-shirts we made (the footprints are her actual footprints!) and in coming to NH to cheer us on. We truly have the best family and friends in the world and I am so thankful to them for being there to support us.

Our Cheering Squad!

I also want to say a huge thank you to Kris … she’s been battling a pretty bad knee injury, yet stuck it out anyway. I’m so proud of her and so happy that we ran the race together. She is a good sister, and a great auntie!

laurie and kris at the half

As always, thank you for your love and support. Nothing about Brienna not being here is easy, yet we are so blessed that our family and friends help us remember her and honor her each and every day.