For the past several years, our little household has been lacking Christmas spirit. We learned our sweet Brienna had Trisomy 18 on Christmas Eve 2008. So this time of year has weighed heavily on us, and I just couldn’t muster up the energy to feel happy and excited about Christmas. Last year was certainly better than the three years prior, but happiness still felt too … fragile. I was afraid to embrace the fact that things were good. I felt like it could all disappear if I didn’t cling to that fear. Even writing this makes me worry that something horrible is going to happen to our family.
The fear and sadness still linger, but this year, we’re embracing Christmas. Seeing Christmas through Pete’s eyes is incredible. He doesn’t totally understand, but he knows something is going on and it excites him, which excites us. We all decorated the tree together and every day he stops, turns on the lights and says “boot-i-ful tree”. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care (and quickly removed because he loved pulling them – and their brass holders – down), but when Pete sees them, he declares it “pretty” and just stares for a minute.
He loves to sing Jingle Bells and Deck the Halls and when he wakes up from his nap, I’ll hear him singing Jingle Bells all on his own. It’s adorable. He knows who Santa Claus is and loves to catch a glimpse of him. He says “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!” all the time, but has become a bit camera shy and I haven’t been able to capture it on video. We were out shopping this week and I’m pretty sure every person we met got a “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!” from him. He makes me smile, and he makes everyone he meets smile. He’s such a special boy and it’s difficult to be anything but happy and excited around him.
We went to Edaville Railroad tonight. I remember going there as a kid, and couldn’t wait to bring Pete. As we boarded the train and watched him take it all in with his little face pressed against the glass, I couldn’t help but tear up just a little. We’ve come a long way these last few years. I feel so blessed this Christmas and so happy to be celebrating with our precious Pete.
You made me “tear up a little” Laurie. Very nice post!
You and Pat are doing a phenomenal job raising Pete! Keep up the good work!
Pete is an awesome little guy.
Yay! Merry Christmas to the Marrs! We love you.
Boot-i-ful post, Laurie. Thank you for sharing. The Christmas Spirit is a wonderful thing. I wish we could watch Brienna and Pete discovering the magic together, but I think her spirit and everything she embodies is certainly in the air. I love you guys! xoxo
Once again a beautiful post, Laurie. This is always a bittersweet time of year as I remember hearing the sad news that your sweet, beautiful Brienna had Trisomy 18. Brienna and all of you are always especially close in my heart at Christmas time. As I remember the sadness I also remember the love she embodied and all the lives she touched.
Because of the deep grief and loss we all experienced Pete is a special blessing and a gift to all who know & love him. He is brought so much healing, joy & love into all our lives.
You are a special family and loved so much.
Merry Christmas – I love you!
Laurie, what a beautiful and moving post…thank you for sharing such a heartfelt testament to the power of love. Pete has brought immeasurable joy to the lives of his Nana and Bumpa, and we feel blessed to have him, you, Pat and angel Brienna in our lives. We feel Brienna’s spirit so often and in so many ways every day, but especially at Christmas time. She will live in our hearts always. Love and hugs to all of you.
Boot-i-ful posting from a boot-i-ful heart. The power of love trumps all.
I just love your family… That little boy shines as bright as edaville!! Both of your babies have had a huge impact on my heart, and for that I am grateful.
Love this post and Brienna is always close, especially at Christmas time. Glad you are able to smile a little brighter this year. Love you all!
What a beautiful post. I am so happy the Marrs had a wonderful Christmas. You are each so special to us. Sending you love, health and happines today and everyday! XO
L.O.V.E.