For the past several years, our little household has been lacking Christmas spirit. We learned our sweet Brienna had Trisomy 18 on Christmas Eve 2008. So this time of year has weighed heavily on us, and I just couldn’t muster up the energy to feel happy and excited about Christmas. Last year was certainly better than the three years prior, but happiness still felt too … fragile. I was afraid to embrace the fact that things were good. I felt like it could all disappear if I didn’t cling to that fear. Even writing this makes me worry that something horrible is going to happen to our family.
The fear and sadness still linger, but this year, we’re embracing Christmas. Seeing Christmas through Pete’s eyes is incredible. He doesn’t totally understand, but he knows something is going on and it excites him, which excites us. We all decorated the tree together and every day he stops, turns on the lights and says “boot-i-ful tree”. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care (and quickly removed because he loved pulling them – and their brass holders – down), but when Pete sees them, he declares it “pretty” and just stares for a minute.
He loves to sing Jingle Bells and Deck the Halls and when he wakes up from his nap, I’ll hear him singing Jingle Bells all on his own. It’s adorable. He knows who Santa Claus is and loves to catch a glimpse of him. He says “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!” all the time, but has become a bit camera shy and I haven’t been able to capture it on video. We were out shopping this week and I’m pretty sure every person we met got a “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!” from him. He makes me smile, and he makes everyone he meets smile. He’s such a special boy and it’s difficult to be anything but happy and excited around him.
We went to Edaville Railroad tonight. I remember going there as a kid, and couldn’t wait to bring Pete. As we boarded the train and watched him take it all in with his little face pressed against the glass, I couldn’t help but tear up just a little. We’ve come a long way these last few years. I feel so blessed this Christmas and so happy to be celebrating with our precious Pete.
